Write Write Write

So lately I've been encouraged to write a song. This just seems quite hilarious to me because I have never done it/never have even written my own musical pieces. But lately, I've been feeling quite inspired to write down a few verses of lyrics and I could just be foolish, but I think they're kinda funny. Now I just have to learn how to play guitar, write my own music, and write the rest of the song! Nbd right?

More than just writing silly songs, I've been feeling God really work through my life lately in the avenue of journaling. It's so exciting to be journaling about something in the morning and see God be faithful through it in the afternoon. This recently happened to me when I was journaling to be able to extend grace to those around me who are difficult to be merciful to. And one afternoon, I was able to do just that!! It was SO exciting! I was able to forgive someone that I had held a stupid grudge against for a few months. God is so patient and kind. He's teaching me daily.

That's all I have for today, off to lunch with a friend!

Changing It Up

So, now that I'm fully enjoying summer and able to take a break from blogging to satisfy a grade for a classroom, I thought I would take the opportunity to write simply for pleasure and out of the overflow of my heart and mind. There has been so much for me to enjoy this summer and get excited about. I have started a wonderful new internship that I feel that I'm going to learn tremendously from. Although, sometimes it is quite intimidating because I do not feel well equipped for it. This is anxiety provoking for me because I'm simply the type person who likes to do everything PERFECTLY and often times don't even try anything if I don't think I'm going to succeed (which is a horrible way to look at things, I know). But, since I've taken this internship willingly (it is unpaid of course) I feel that I'm stretching myself in a good way, beyond my own comfort zone so that I can be enriched by it. I look forward to seeing how I learn and grow over the next couple of months.

Also, for the next three months I am residing in my lovely home of Greenville, South Carolina. A few weeks ago I was quite nervous about this because my first year as a student at Clemson was SO fantastic that I was almost afraid to say "see you later" to life there, but ready or not, here I am, back home for three and 1/2 months. Life has been quite different already to say the least. I'm laughing now thinking about how just three weeks ago the thought of going to bed at 11 would be outlandishly early, I never rose from the bed before 8:20 in the morning, and time spent with friends was constant. Now I'm maintaining an 11-12ish bedtime, at the absolute latest waking up at 8:20, and my time is predominately spent with the family. This is not worse by any means, in fact I'm definitely enjoying spending some quality shopping time with my mom, hearing the nightly corny joke from my dad, and daily walks with my golden retriever, Abby. I look forward to what the rest of the summer holds in our Greer residence.

Another reason there's been quite an adjustment but also quite an excitement is because in the final weeks of class in good ol' Clemson, a year-long friendship began to develop into something kind of new and exciting. And although I don't think I'll publicly name this wonderful young man, I'm SO excited about what's to come! We've already had some really wonderful conversations and actually recently had our first date. I feel so completely juvenile even writing like this so I'm officially stopping this silly little 7th grade jittery babbling, but it doesn't negate the fact that often times, I'm on cloud 9.

Until the next time...

Final Post

I would just like to start off this blog lamenting on the fact that I can't believe it's my last one, not that I'm entirely upset about it, but it is going to be weird not having to come to my "Blogger" website every couple of days to comment on some piece of literature. After reading "Baptizing the Gun" by Uwem Akpam I began to think I had really taken World Literature this year because it seems that everything we're reading is by a foreign author, except for the stuff we read at the beginning of the semester. But I suppose it's good that we're expanding our horizons.

I really enjoyed this story because it actually had a good ending. The entire time the priest is completely paranoid of the Lagosian. But then in the end, the guy was just trying to help him out. I felt like that was a kind of happy way to end the semester, with a hopeful view of humanity. That this guy wasn't actually out to get the priest's money, but simply to help him. The priest says, "I reach into my back pocket to show him my watch [a Rolex]. I hold it with two hands, an offering to a god of guilt, before putting it back on. As my passenger fades into the night, his laugh is my absolution" at the end of the story. He realizes that he needs to have more faith in humanity, and really feels guilty for not feeling this way the entire time. Which, I feel like I greatly benefitted from the narrator's lesson as well. So many times in life we have generalizations about people, often times they are bad generalizations that people are out to get us and do the worst to us. The unfortunate part is that some of humanity is this way, which causes people to questions all of the others who may simply be altruistic and trying to help others. I think there's part of us that need to be more trusting, and other parts that do need to be cautious, but we must find a balance.

It's quite interesting, I'm not sure exactly what this man is traveling for and why this priest is in a VW Beetle? It just seems like a rather comical image. Over and over he comments about how he wishes he would have worn the collar that way people would respect him more or show him mercy, then there were other times when he's so glad that he wasn't wearing it. Which, I feel is completely hypocritical as a Roman Catholic priest. However, it is true that this man had some lessons to learn about life but did indeed learn something by the end. And that was that he felt guilty for not trusting humanity.

The Eye and The Savage

The two readings for today, "Mauricio (The Eye) Silva" and The Savage Detectives by Robert Bolano, were very interesting to me and quite similar. They both tell stories of men that have descended from Latin America, moved to Europe at some point and seemed to come in and out of each other's lives and learned from one another in a profound way. The two sets of characters have bonds that have connected them through their lifetime and somehow always brings them back together to know about each other's lives through many years.

Some unifying themes between these two pieces seem to come from their view of violence. in "Mauricio," The Eye talks about how he hates violence and the story he shares with the narrator from his experiences in India is quite graphic. The interesting part of this story, in comparison to the other stories we have read, is that The Eye is homosexual, but it doesn't seem to be quite as big of a deal. For instance, nothing like the other story where they would have locked him up in a sanatorium for being gay. The narrator doesn't even seem to be too phased by it, except for the fact that it continues to pop back up several times throughout the story. But, the story of the prostituted boys who have been castrated was SO sad for me to read. I just couldn't understand how and why people could be this cruel and actually get away with it. Sometimes this fact truly boggles my mind. Like, Hitler for instance. How did something such as the massacre of 6 million Jews go on for so long without it being stopped? Or Rwanda? Or the thousands of other instances that have gone on unmentioned but invariably not unnoticed. Are we too timid as a society to speak up for wrong doings? Too afraid that it may hurt us to do so. This is quite plausible. I mean, it takes balls to do something we feel passionate for because it's not always going to be easy. I don't know I guess that's kind of a rant, but reading this I felt like somethings gotta give!

In the second story I read, The Savage Detectives, I guess I didn't understand it quite as much. It was a good story and I really enjoy the writing of this author. I know that there had to be much symbolic meaning because the writing was extremely rich, it almost read like a poem, well not quite but it flowed quite well. It also seems that this could be somewhat biographical because the two stories that we read for today had very similar aspects and the only thing I can attribute that to is the possibility that it could come from his own life.

What A Dad

Starting this story, I thought it had a great title "Love and Honor and Pity and Pride and Compassion and Sacrifice," (other than the fact that it used tons "ands") but had no idea what to expect. Right of the bat, though, the reader realizes that the relationship between father and son is strained because of their initial greeting towards one another. Also by the statement that the narrator made saying, "He had a bait of speaking in Vietnamese proverbs, I had long learned to ignore it" (4). This definitely made me laugh because it made me think of all the things my dad says to me that I now simply ignore. Like every single time I would leave the house he would tell me to, "Drive safely," like I'm purposefully going to be reckless behind the wheel. Or in front of my friends, every time he sends me off he says, "Don't do drugs. Stay in school." And of course all my friends think it's hilarious, but after hearing it for the 1,000th time, I begin to just tune out.

The narrator's life seemed to be quite interesting. That he grew up in an EXTREMELY strict household, and even though his father seems like a sweet man in the beginning of this story, he was like a drill sergeant in the narrator's youth. So much so that he moved out, his father separated his mother after he found out that she was supporting their son, and then basically by guilt he came back. I mean, what kind of person does this? Separates from his wife because she just loves her son??! It just appalling to me because I cannot imagine this ever happening in my house. Granted there were many times I felt like moving out because I used to get into major fights with my parents, but nothing as profound as this guy. My life seems like Easy Street compared to him. So then he goes on to become a lawyer, but stops that to become a writer...and I'm wondering who in their right mind would do that? (No offense Mr. Kudera). I just would think that life would be much easier practicing law vs. living from story to story never knowing where the money or your next idea is going to come from. But, maybe that's the exact thrill he was searching for. The unknown and the independence away from his upbringing.

The end of this story was quite shocking. I knew when the narrator read the note from his father that said," I am going for a walk. I have taken our story to read" (27) that something bad was going to happen. The narrator just wanted his father to be pleased with him, which is something so many children long for. I know that growing up that had everything to do with why I worked so heard in my academic endeavors. I just wanted the approval of my parents and for them to be proud of me, so, "He would be pleased with me" (27). But then the father does something unimaginable, "He stood with the tramp, both of them staring into the blazing gasoline drum. The smoke was thick, particulate. For a second I stopped breathing. I knew with sick certainty what he had done" (28). Why in the world would he had done this?? To me it makes completely no sense because, the narrator could just simply write the story again, although it might take a very long time, that doesn't mean that he couldn't remember the story. This act just seemed so completely cruel for a father to do to his son. I simply don't understand.

The Lazarus Project pp. 164-238

Reading this story is quite interesting. As the story progresses, I get more and more interested, because honestly from the beginning I wasn't liking the story too much because it was confusing me. And I have to admit, sometimes I am wondering what exactly is going on...but the story is quite good. It seems to be just like a buddies story if you know what I mean. Like Tom and Huck but Brik and Rora. They have a funny relationship because Brik is always asking philosophical questions or trying to learn more about Rora and Rora is constantly telling him to just shut up or asking him why he wants to know so much. Like on page 210 Rora says, "You ask questions, you want to know more but no matter how much more I tell you, you will never know anything. That's the problem." And that really could be the problem for Brik. He's constantly in the search of something more, to know the answers to all of the questions he has and he isn't asking the right questions or even in the search of the right thing. I don't know, maybe that's possibly what Rora is trying to tell him.

This narrator also seems to be quite anti-American, which I guess is understandable in his case. He says on page 189, "I told that to be American you have to know nothing and understand even less, and that I did not want to be American." Also, "I realized that my center had shifted--it used to be in my stomach, but now it was in my breast pocket, where I kept my American passport and a wad of cash" (177). So by this I get that he thinks Americans are ignorant and all they care about is money...which is by and large true. It is really sad that this is the American image, that this is our reputation, not good.

I feel like Brik is going to make some kind of grand realization by the end of this story, whether it be about Lazarus or about himself, probably both. But I feel like all these questions have to yield answers at some point.

Adventures

Continuing to read this novel of, The Lazarus Project, by Hemon, I have to admit I'm slightly confused as what is going to happen throughout the rest of the story. It seems to take some twists and turns that I'm not exactly sure what the meaning is, but I do feel the relationships between Rora and Brik and Mary and Brik are quite interesting and is where I feel my interest is most peaked.

The relationship between Brik and Mary is obviously extremely strained. But I guess not that obviously not that I think about it. Maybe they struggle in the same way any married couple does. That they go on living day to day being afraid that their spouse may not come back that evening or that you're feeling like the slacker in the relationship and feel guilty for it. But, somehow I really don't think that's how a healthy relationship should be fashioned. Brik says stuff life, "I imagined Mary not coming home from the hospital," (30) or when talking about their relationship he says, "She was beautiful; my breath was taken; we were still lonely; she said yes." (32). It just seems like a broken relationship and the reason Brik needs to go back to Bosnia with Rora is because he is in the search of adventure so he doesn't have to be bogged down by his home life. He even says on page 72, "The daily work of love was often hard to perform at home. While she was in the hospital, I longed for her, and when she came back she was too tired to attend to my needs and desires. . . someone had to earn the money." All I know about reading these pages is that it's probably a pretty accurate view of how marriages can become if you don't work on them and I just pray that someday I never end up like this.

The Rora-Brik relationship also really intrigues me because I feel like Rora is about to really expand Brik's mind. Rora is just some completely easy going and an artist at heart and I don't feel like Brik really is quite in touch with just the beauty of art and things going on around him as Rora is. For instance, when he invites him to come to Bosnia, Rora's response is, "Why not. I've got nothing else to do" (page 50), or when Rora decides to take pictures of Brik on page 35 and Brik questions him on it, Rora's response is, "Why not? Every face is a landscape." They just seem to have completely conflicting attitudes and their relationship is interesting and is probably going to be quite significant by the end of the story. I'm excited to see what happens.