Yay! It's A Story I Enjoy

I have to say that I'm really excited to finally be enjoying a story again in this class... okay I know that sounds a little harsh, but I can finally understand a the story line of The Same River Twice by Chris Offutt. I feel like this memoir, although is quite different than probably the way most men grow into adulthood/manhood/experience, but in the same sense there's some of the same themes in this story that many men go through while growing up and finally when they're about to be a father for a first time.

I love the set up of the novel because it goes from his present and then relates back to his past. Something that really struck me at the beginning of the novel was how completely unromantic Chris depicted Rita. He talks about his marriage proposal to her and all the trouble he had gone to to make it special and she answered no telling him he was drunk on nature. Then when he asked her the third time the situation was, "Being refused twice led me to a careful strategy, guaranteed to catch her when she was weak. On the morning of her birthday, I hurried to the bathroom ahead of her. A few minutes later she stumbled into my trap. We were both nude. I eased my knees to the cold tile. 'Happy Birthday,' I said, 'Will you marry me?' Bleary-eyed and half asleep, she said yes, and stepped past me to the toilet." (page 12) Reading this I was SO surprised! And then it goes on to describe their wedding ceremony that was extremely small and no one was invited to. I guess this shocked me because it seems like American culture now puts so much stock into a perfect engagement and wedding that anything less than spectacular is completely unacceptable, and it really shouldn't be this way. Because their relationship seems to be really healthy.

Another scene I thought was quite powerful was when Chris finally decided he was okay with having a child. When Rita came back from somewhere he threw out her diaphram and condoms right in front of her, and being a girl this just made my heart swell...so cute! However, then Chris has to go through some identity issues and fears with having a child. He says on page 18, "I doubted my abilities to raise a child without ruining it." I have had these same exact fears. Not that I have ever been ANYWHERE close to having a child, but for about a year I decided I never wanted to have kids because I was so afraid of doing one thing wrong and screwing them up for life. I think this stemmed from the problems I was having with my parents at the time though. When I was in high school I fought with my parents like CRAZY so I decided I never wanted to be like them and the best way of doing that would be never having kids. However, my feelings have now changed. I feel like I can still be a good parent someday, yes I will screw up sometime and my kids are probably going to dislike me for it at some point, but I can do things differently than my parents and maybe not be too bad at the parenthood thing.

Chris' travels to NYC and Iowa were very interesting. He grew up a lot and became wise in many different areas. His move to New York to become an actor failed, as any reader could foresee simply from the themes of literature. When someone has a dream of becoming a big time actor in New York or Los Angeles, but they don't realize how hard it is to actually make it big. One of Chris' first "deflowering" experiences, if you will, was at the train station (i think that's what it was) with the drag queen. This scene was hilarious to me because I think Offutt put some dramatic irony here because I definitely knew this was going to be a man, especially when Chris kept talking about the gun he thought he was grabbing. This scene in some ways was a little bit disturbing, but hilarious too, because as soon as he realizes its a dick, he just ups and runs away. On one sense I don't really know how he could have gone so long without realizing it, but there was some definite humor here.

In essence, this is a story of self revelation for Chris. He leaves Kentucky, where he's lived his entire life, to see what else is out there in the world. On page 44 he says, "I left Kentucky as soon as the doctor pronounced me healed, a diagnosis only physically correct." I look forward to see what else he learns.

Stop, Go, Yield

Go (I like this): As far as the way this literature class is structured, as a person who enjoys literature I really like it. From my high school experience, I really enjoyed my AP Literature class where we we did class discussion every novel in something my teacher called Socratic Seminar. But, we only did these seminars when class was over and it was much more formal than our class discussion is. I feel like having this every day encourages me to read and understand every novel, poem, or play we are going over. I feel like the syllabus is structured in a really good way that it's not too much for me to handle the assigned readings every night, but it's not too easy. Because I do know that it's going to take me at least and hour and a half to read and blog if I decide to do so. Probably my favorite piece we've done so far is "The Glass Menagerie" by Tennessee Williams, probably just because of the rich symbolism that goes throughout the story. Also, the blogging I absolutely love. Again, a great way to informally comment on literature, ask questions, and have them answered.

Yield (things we should do more often): Some aspects of the class that I enjoy while reading different works by different authors is learning either the historical background/context this is written in or learning more about the author who is writing. This give me more of and understanding of what is going on with the piece or what some of the influences might be for the plot or literary devices. For instance, in Lolita, when we learned about the new vs. old in regards to America vs. Europe. That helped me understand a little more of what Humbert Humbert was saying/implying throughout the novel.

Stop (please, no more!): I really don't have many complaints about this class as a whole. The only thing that sometimes makes it drag is when we get off onto different tangents that I can't seem to understand how they relate to the piece at hand. Also, I wish I would have known we weren't going to be reading Music of Chance before I ordered it on Amazon, but that can probably be easily sold at the end of the semester. I am curious to see how the final is going to be or how difficult it is because we haven't really been tested throughout the semester (which doesn't bother me in the least) but I guess it does make me nervous that I could completely blow the final and be screwed in the course if I don't do well on it.

How To Succeed In Business By Really Trying...

While reading through "Glengary Glen Ross" by David Mamet, I was struck by how cut throat business taking place and the absolute mockery of American capitalism. The story depicted here is that if you don't lie, cheat, and steal, you're not going to make it rich in the life. After watching some scenes of YouTube of this play depicted as a movie, I began to more fully understand what was taking place. These men are under a tremendous amount of stress to succeed in the busniess world, because if they don't they won't have any job to speak of. For many of these men this is tragic because they have families to think of. Like Levene always saying, "my daughter" (page 104). There's so much pressure that they end up cracking under it.

I think this story brings across the question though of how far are we willing to go as human beings to get ahead? If we're willing to lie are we willing to cheat? And if we're willing to cheat are we willing to steal? Is the moral line easily visible and acute? Or is it fuzzy and easily crossed or misconstrued? There are so many questions that come to my mind in this instance because I think a lot of times in our culture, it is the man's responsibility to provide for his family no matter what the situation is. These men, especially in this story Levene, have to take care of their responsibilities, so it could end up becoming a necessity for them to cheat their way to making that happen. This also brings up the major issue that nearly everyone in the American society deals with is the struggle for success. It is pushed in our society that we're not good enough or really worth much unless we're extremely successful at what we do. I feel like that's why there's so much pressure for kids of all ages, but right now I'm thinking mostly of college students because that's the stage of life I happen to be in, to become extraordinarily successful at what they do. That's why we see so many parents pushing their children to become doctors, lawyers, accountants, etc. But then the question is, how do these people get themselves there? Are they lying, cheating, and stealing their way up to hold this prestigious position or get this wonderful medical degree from the Duke University School of Medicine? It seems to be a cycle of corruption that Mamet wants to bring to attention for his readers.

I found a few good quotes dealing with this cut throat mentality, such as Roma saying, "I'm going to have your job , shithead. I'm going downtwon and talk to Mitch and Murray and I'm going to Lemkin. I don't care whose nephew you are, who you know, whose dick you're sucking on. You're going out, I swear to you, you're going . . . ." on page 96

But there was also some good advice in the context of this play. Even though sometimes it seemed immoral there were things said like, "a man who's your 'partner' depends on you...you have to go with im and for him...or you're shit, and you're shit, you can't exist alone..."(98) teaching loyalty and "You can't buy that. You have to live it." (97) just showing that you have to learn things, not just buy your way through life. Anyway, that's my ten cents on the issue.

When The Goin Gets Tough

The readings for today, "River of Names" by Dorothy Allison and "Cathedral" by Raymond Carver, in my opinion seemed quite different from each other. A lot of times when we're assigned two readings for one night I can see similarities between them, but I didn't feel that there were many this time. Other than the fact that there were suicidal issues in both of them, although entirely more prevalent in "river of Names" than in "Cathedral." Both did have a theme or sense of when the goin gets tough, get out and sometimes life is too hard to handle to stick around.

Starting With "River of Names," man oh man was this story sad. From the very first paragraph of this story the reader knows it's going to be graphic depressing, because at eight years old the speaker witnesses her cousin Tommy committing suicide who is also only eight years old. This should be a clear sign to the reader that this story in particular is not going to be happy in any sense if an eight-year-old child is committing suicide, I mean I don't even think I knew what suicide was that young, let alone did I EVER think about taking my own life. This story just breaks my heart because the life the speaker lived in was absolutley tragic. So tragic that basically every family member she had was killed, raped, or died in some capacity trying to escape the hell they were living in. On page 5 the speaker has a powerful quote saying, "I set my teeth at what I do not want to remember and cannot forget." I feel like this quote could be strong for most people. A lot of times there's something from our past that we just don't want to remember but seemingly we can't forget because somehow that event/person defines us somehow. This girl inescapably was defined by her upbringing, just like most everyone is, can't escape it. She tries to fake the fact that it bothers her but she won't express it. She says, "I rolled away, but I didn't cry. I almost never let myself cry" (page 6). She's trying to subdue it and lie to her lover Jesse about it, but it haunts her. I feel like this is the underlying reason why she became a lesbian, because she wanted to end this curse of abusing children. Even her sister who just had a child feels like she's ready to kill it when it keeps screaming, "Oh no' she moaned, ' I wasn't going to bre like that. I always promised myself.' She started to cry, holding her belly and sobbing. 'We an't no different. We an't no different" (page 11). It is actually quite admirable, in my opinion, that the speaker refuses to let life get so bad that she takes her own life and that she's going to stop the cycle of abuse by being with a woman. She's sure she won't be abusive if she can't have a children, yet she's still tormented by her past.

"Cathedral" by Raymond Carver had a little bit more of a happier tone than the previous story. The husband in this story definitely has many preconceived notions about the way people act, prejudices if you will. He's not thrilled at all about a blind man coming to his house because, "I'd always thought dark glasses were a must for the blind," and "I remembered somewhere that blind men didn't smoke" (page 113-114). But this blind man was extraordinary because he did all of these things. The speaker had a hard time opening up to this man because he didn't want to give him a chance. He knew this different man was his wife's friend but he was in no way interested in getting to know him. But, they ended up bonding over the description of a cathedral. Being a sappy girl myself, I thought this was quite cute because the speaker was trying his hardest to describe what a cathedral looked like to Robert, but he was having much difficulty. I thought about this as I was reading, how would I describe different images and places to someone who is blind. Because you can't just say, "oh it looks like ____" because they don't know what that looks like. I don't know, I guess just some food for thought. So they decide to draw it together while the narrator keeps his eyes closed (oh, another cute thing is Robert immediately has a nickname for the narrator "bub" which is what I call my brother sometimes, so I liked this). The interesting part of this story is in the end when Robert tells him to look at what he has drawn he keeps his eyes closed and says "It's really something." (page 124). I feel like this symbolizes that they have become so connected that somehow the narrator is like Robert in a deeper sense by not choosing not to see even for those brief minutes. This was quite heartwarming.:)

Scars

I would simply like to simply have a little sigh of relief that I will not be commenting on the Nabokov's Lolita today, however I am starting fresh and new with the two short stories of "Emergency" by Denis Johnson and "Home" by Jayne Anne Phillips. Both of which were quite interesting to read, and both seem to deal with some kind of scar or damage to the human body, which must be a symbol in some fashion. But here we go...

Starting with "Emergency," I thought this was definitely an interesting story. It seemed as though, the speaker and Georgie were both tripping on something while it was going on though. The sentences and thought patterns never seemed to be coherent. And it does indicate that they both abuse drugs, even while working, "A champion of the drug LSD..." (279). There seems to be some symbolism in this story with the knife that is inside Terrence Weber's eye. I'm not sure exactly what it means, but his poor fellow was stabbed by his wife, already has a plastic eye for his other eye (so therefore is already half blind), and walked three blocks to the hospital to get this checked out. Then, when the doctor comes to see him his first question is, "What seems to be the trouble?" (276). I mean, what in the world?! This guy has a knife sticking out of his eye, it is quite OBVIOUS what the trouble is! This actually reminds me of a similar situation that happened to me when I was four years old. I had an eye injury where I was cut by a pocket knife on my cornea (thank goodness I didn't go to the ER with a knife stuck in my eye). Anyway, ironically it was my left eye, just like Terrence, and I have joked with people before that it is a glass eye (which it definitely isn't, thankfully it did nothing to impair my vision, actually it corrected it). Actually I told that story to a fellow classmate of mine, Andrew Finley, and he believed me for a fraction of a minute:) But on with "Emergency," another quote I found quite interesting was in the beginning of the story when Georgie says, "There's so much goop inside of us, man and it all wants to get out" (274). This makes me feel that somehow when the narrator and Georgie make their escape, they're escaping more than just the hospital that they work in, they'r escaping something else as well. Maybe the constraints of society, their past, or even just every day living (which could also play into the use of drugs), I'm really not quite sure...just some speculation.

Now "Home" by Jayne Anne Phillips I have to admit I didn't get off to a good start with because initially I, for some reason, thought the narrator was a man (I guess that's just what I've been accustomed to lately) and I thought this man was having homosexual fantasies, but that obviously wasn't the case. It's about this girl who must move home to live with her mother to save money. Her mother and herself don't really get along because her mom just seems to think she puts out to any man that will take some. They both seem to have an unhealthy view of sex though. Because the mother and daughter were abused by the father in previous years so they both would view male figures in an unhealthy from that situation. The mother states that she would never want to have sex again because it was screw up everything and who would even want her now and the daughter is sleeping with Daniel, who is apparently seeing another girl whom he is serious with. Both mother and daughter seem to have some kind of identity issues that neither one are willing do deal with, especially not with each other. They both seem to go after the wrong men. The mother only married the father, it seems, because he had a sick mother that she could take care of. And the daughter loved a man named Jason who eventually went crazy. An interesting part that is to be noted is that the daughter admits to her mother that she doesn't think she's ever had an orgasm. I'm not sure the complete significance of this, but there must be some type of suppressed passion in her life that she's not willing to give up.

Changes

I don't know if I'm just not reading the story as well as I did before, but I feel like this book is getting harder and harder for me to follow. Humbert Humbert's character just seems to be aimless in all the things he is saying and it's hard for me to grasp everything that is going on here, but I try to at least grasp onto a little bit of what he's saying.

I feel like Humbert and Dolly/Lolita are going through dramatic changes as characters. Lolita is becoming a complete smartass and for some reason Humbert just takes it. She's becoming much more of a woman always talking back to Humbert and treating him like a father. What has been confusing me this entire time is why Humbert is still attracted to her? I mean isn't he a pedophile? So wouldn't he want a girl who was more childish looking? Lolita is becoming more of a woman, but for some reason Humbert still loves her. In fact, he's so crazy about her that he even begs her sometimes to just look at him. He says on page 192, ". . . I would dismiss all our quarrels, forget all my masculine pride--and literally crawl on my knees to your chair, my Lolita." All she responds to this is, "For Christ's sake leave me alone." I feel like Humbert is still going through the internal conflict of being a father to Lolita and all the roles that come with rearing a teenager but then also being completely attracted to her at the same time.

A part of this section that I truly enjoyed was Lolita's little scheming to get money out of Humbert, although basically the way she was doing it was by prostituting herself. I just thought it was witty of her to up the price for her sexual favors because she knew that Humbert wanted her and would pay anything to get it. This is another example of her independent spirit and her maturation process, she's definitely a conniving girl. Also, boys are starting to be interested in her, which Humbert simply cannot deal with. He won't let her go on any dates and she get's so mad because she feels that she's being deprived of a right. In this section, I completely sympathized with Lolita because my parents were SUPER strict about dating and it caused MANY rifts in our household as we'd fight over it. I can see how this definitely would have put even more of a rebellious streak in Lolita because she just wants to be independent and this point in her life. It probably sparked many of the other things she does to Humbert just to spite him for the rules he has on her (for instance when she sleeps with the man that has a pregnant wife). She is SO promiscuous!

I was a little confused by the meeting Humbert had with Pratt. They were talking about Dolly and how she seemed to be stuck in her Freudian sexual stages. That she didn't seem to be interested in anything sexual, but then she would tease other girls who were not as experienced as her? I just didn't understand why in the world an administrator of a school would call a stepfather in to talk to him about this, espeically in the 1950s, I mean wasn't this taboo back then? Maybe this is another example of our narrator being unreliable.

Another question I have while reading this is why Humbert stays in the United States with Lolita. He's talked about crossing the Canadian and Mexican border, but he never does. "Actually i was toying with the idea of gently trickling across the Mexican border--I was braver now than last year," is what he says on page 208 but they never do leave. It's almost like he wants to get caught eventually or else he would have fled the country with the child he kidnapped. I don't know...this is definitely an interesting story that keeps me on my feet.

Part Two...Even More Interesting

I feel as this story is progressing I'm able to understand it a little bit more and more every time i pick it up. I was actually in a salon this weekend and brought the book with me to read as I was waiting and I ran into an apparent English 215 alumni who was asking me about the book. She too had read it and we were conversing about the complete strange aspects of the story, but agreed that it was quite well written. For instance, I've found a few passages that I read that I'm just amazed by Nabokov's language and am so jealous as a writer. He uses so many different techniques and vocabulary to just completely impress his readers, or at least it really impressed me. For instance on page 157, "Moreover, we inspected: Little Iceberg Lake, somewhere in Colorado, and the snow banks, and the cushions of tiny alpine flowers, and more snow; down which Lo in red-peaked cap tried to slide, and squealed, and was snowballed by some youngsters and retaliated in some comme on dit. Skeletons of burned aspens, patches of spired blue flowers. The various items of a scenic drive. . . " I just would never think to write this way, but the imagery he uses can be completely grotesque but also fabulous at other times too.

As a reader, we're beginning to see Lolita grow up into a sassy teenager. She's beginning to resent Humbert Humbert as a father and really wants to grow to be more independent. On one occasion she makes the remark, "how lond did I think we were going to live in stuffy cabins, doing filthy things together and never behaving like ordinary people" (page 158). Also, when she's going to go out with her friends to I believe it was a roller skating rink, Humbert wants to come along but she swiftly informs him that it would not be cool or acceptable for him to join them. Humbert also feels like a failure as a father as well, which I think may play into this identity crisis he's having. He feels like he's failing Lolita in one sense (as her father) and basically has to threaten her to be his lover. It seems at some points he is quite ashamed of what he is doing and that he has had to sink as low as blackmail to keep her with him, but on the other side of things he is glad that she is still with him. Also, like most any man, his attention and complete and total affection is not only for Lolita, which is probably attributed to the fact that she's a brat to him most of the time. But whenever they go to a new town or city he admits to, "In whatever town we stopped I would inquire, in my polite European way, anet the whereabouts of natatoriums, museums, local schools, the number of children in the nearest school, and so forth; and at school bus time, smiling and twitching a little I would park at a strategic point, with my vagrant schoolgirl beside me in the car, to watch the children leave school--always a pretty sight" (page 161). So, as far as Humbert's problem is going, it is definitely not diminishing, if anything growing more intense. Because Lolita won't always give in to his sexual desires, he says, "how sweet it was to bring that coffee to her and then deny it until she had done her morning duty" (page 165). This man is definitely still quite sick, but can't understand why Lolita acts the way she does. I think it probably really tears him apart inside when she doesn't feel the same way about him that he feels about her.

I've also made some connections to Edgar Allen Poe's "Annabel Lee" that Nabokov is making to other authors. On page 167 he talks about "The Kingdom by the Sea" and his first love's name that got him into this whole psychiatric mess is Annabel which Annabel Lee is the speaker's lover in Edgar Allen Poe's poem. I feel like Humbert is able to relate to Poe because he too was in love with his younger cousin of thirteen and could not help but express his feelings. Humbert also reveals more of himself being an unreliable narrator on page 168 when he says, "I am exaggerating a little." See to the reader, if he is exaggerating here, where else has he been doing it? When he tells everyone that Lolita seduced him? When his wife's death was just an "accident"? For all we know now as readers Lolita was just an innocent little girl that was not being seductive in any way, shape, or form and he plotted his wife's death. But again, that's all just speculation. I'm excited to see where the rest of the story takes us.

Disturbia

So although I would never have chosen to read this book at my leisure, and even if I did pick it up randomly of a shelf and started to read would have quickly put it down because of content, I must say that being forced (okay not forced, but having this novel on the curriculum) to read Lolita has probably made me a more careful reader. And what I mean by that is the fact that the language that Nabokov uses is quite rich and, I really just can't get around saying this, well written. Though sometimes I really may not know what he is trying to say or get across to the reader, he reveals juicy details in his diction in a way that I feel is quite unique. Sometimes as a reader I tend to become lazy and almost skim the work and get the gist of what is being said, but with this work I must take my time and truly try to grasp everything that Nabokov is saying through is word choice.

What I found most interesting through the the reading I did today was the actual lack of innocence that Lolita possesses. Humbert was initially attracted to her "purity" and her girlish look that usually entails sexual purity. But, Lolita has been experimenting with different sexual things most of her childhood it seems. He tells the jury, "Sensitive gentlewomen of the jury, I as not even her first lover" (page 135). At some points I almost found it comical when Humbert was talking about how she must have learned how to kiss by a lesbian experience at her camp. Also an extreme curve ball that I felt was thrown to the readers was the fact that Lolita was the seducer in their little grotesque love affair (even after she has called this man "Dad" I might add...the little sketch ball!) Humbert says on page 132, "but by six she was wide awake, and by six fifteen we were technically lovers. I am going to tell you something very strange: it was she who seduced me." For some reason this little girl of twelve has an enormous amount of confidence when it comes to sex, I guess though she was well aquatinted with the subject already though. So anyway, I just first wanted to comment on the forwardness of the little girl, but she also keeps some of her girlish nature. She'll kiss Humbert on the mouth, but if he kisses her anywhere else she is extremely turned off. In a way, this is like how Tennessee Williams talks about how all pretty girls are a trap and men expect them to be. I feel like Lolita is keeping Humbert on his toes by her ever changing mood.

Humbert, through this entire passage seems to be playing two entirely conflicting roles. What he's showing to Lolita on the outside and what is going on within his head are entirely different realities. Whenever Humbert picks Lolita up from camp, he is playing the father role. She may be flirting with him a little bit, but he just tells her no while inside he's burning with desire for her. It's quite odd and I don't really know what to think of it. Maybe he knows what he's planning on doing is wrong and he feels guilty for it. He doesn't want to show her too early how much he lusts for her, atleast not until they get to the bedroom.

The entire bedroom scene seems to be a huge psychological battle for Humbert. He obviously wants to take advantage of this little girl (ew), he even drugs her with the expectation that he'll do it this way, but that plan backfires and then he's back at square one. He has this internal conflict within himself just trying to move closer to her throughout the night. It reminds me a little bit of the courage a guy has to muster up in order to kiss a girl for the first time (as long as the two aren't intoxicated). I remember talking to a guy once (later after he finally worked up the courage to kiss me...mind i say that we'd been seeing each other for like four months before he finally did) that he'd been trying to kiss me for so long but just never could work up the courage. Every time he was over-thinking it like, "oh if I kiss her here she's going to think it's cheesy, etc." I think a lot of times guys go through this internal conflict with trying to pursue a female, but hopefully the female is not a helpless little twelve-year-old girl.

Another quote I found interesting in this passage was, "Whether or not the realization of a lifelong dream had surpassed all expectations, it had, in a sense, overshot its mar--and plunged into a nightmare." I feel like this really coincides with peoples expectations in life. For instance, so many girls fantasize and dream about what their future wedding is going to look like and how perfect it's going to be. Sometimes we forget that things can happen and when your lifelong dream finally comes to fruition, even though it be wonderful, it may not be what we expect and it may leave us longing for more when all we get is one chance. I don't think that Humbert thinks the sex was anticlimactic, but he does say this that somehow his dream could become a nightmare.

Pedophilia

Before I begin to even attempt to give any insight on the meaning of this work of literature, Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, I must say that I have never read something so grotesque. As we were talking in class today, I guess somehow reading these words somehow makes this horrible situation that much more vivid to me rather than watching it in a Law and Order SVU or CSI television show. I also must give Nabokov my complete respect for being able to tap into the mind of a pedophile. I never would think this way and really can only think that someone who is truly sick with this disease of pedophilia (I think maybe that's a made up word?) could even write such things about a child. However, whether Nabokov truly feels this way towards children or not, he does an excellent job depicting the mind of a sicko.

I must say that the reading for today (pages 62-109) were slightly more easy for me to handle today. I felt like maybe I understood more that was going on during the narration than I had before. In this passage that I read, I felt that there were some specific instances depicted in the marriage of Humbert and Charlotte, that even though this marriage was built on a one-way love, that look like many marriages we see in modern society today. For instance, all the plans the wife has for the husband and how the husband just gets drug along through them and is expected to just go along for the ride. As soon as Charlotte and Humbert get married, she goes on a frenzy of redecorating the house and planning cute little trips for them to go on. Then finally one day she crosses the line and he vocalizes his opinion and says, "No, wait a minute, The present matter is only incidental. I am concerned with a general trend. When you wanted me to spend my afternoons sunbathing on the Lake instead of doing my work, I gladly gave in and became a bronzed glamor boy for your sake, instead of remaining a scholar and, well, and educator. When you lead me to bridge and bourbon with the charming Farlows, I meekly follow. . . I love being bossed by you, but every game has its rules. I am not cross. I am not cross at all. .. But I am one half of this household, and have a small but distinct voice." (page 91). I feel like this is probably happens in a few households in America. Where there's a domineering wife and the husband finally stands up for himself and the wife is just taken aback and doesn't know what to do. Although, I'm not sure that women now would respond the same was as Charlotte and say, "You're my god. Please forgive me. Let's have sex now." (not a direct quote of course) but nonetheless be surprised. I definitely liked this scene, that even though I am not a fan of Humbert in ANY way, I thought it was good that he was sticking up for himself.

This whole scheme of marriage that Humbert came up with really just blew up in his face. He thought he would be able to be closer to Lolita by marrying this woman that he was in no way attracted to. He even has to think of Lolita while he is intimate with Charlotte just so he can be turned on. He says, "I would manage to evoke the child while caressing the mother" (page 76). But, Charlotte apparently hates her daughter and plans to send her to a boarding school so she can have her new perfect life with her husband. This, however, does not fly with him. No, he is head over heels in love with this twelve-year-old girl who is also apparently wasting away months of her young beauty at this Camp Q. Humbert does try to kill Charlotte, but he has too much compassion for that. He thinks about it all the time (that's how deranged this man is) but he simply can't bring himself to kill her. But, fate takes care of that setback only after she finds everything out about his fantasies about her daughter. What an experience that must of been for Charlotte. She thought she was going to read maybe some secret love letter Humbert had written to her or maybe even some old secret of a former lover, but no, he's in love with her pre-teen daughter. Awesome. So she furiously writes 3 letters, goes to mail them, and is hit by a car and dies. Irony. But this is the time we actually see some normal human emotion in Humbert. He cries. He says, "Fat fate's formal handshake. . .brought me out of my torpor; and I wept. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury--I wept" (page 103). I don't know if maybe he was just so drunk that he actually cried or maybe he was just so excited about the time he was going to get alone with Lolita now that he was crying for joy. Whatever it is, I suppose this emotion came at the right time in the story for him to at least seem sad for his wife's passing.

Is there deeper meaning here? I'm not sure. Maybe Nabokov is trying to tell us something by this situation that he as just depicted, but I have yet to come to the meaning. I know in some of the parts he was satirizing the action of wives and the way they control their husbands lives. Also those parents who feel the need to send their kids off to a boarding school. But I shall just have to keep reading to see what else Nabokov has in store for me.