Disturbia

So although I would never have chosen to read this book at my leisure, and even if I did pick it up randomly of a shelf and started to read would have quickly put it down because of content, I must say that being forced (okay not forced, but having this novel on the curriculum) to read Lolita has probably made me a more careful reader. And what I mean by that is the fact that the language that Nabokov uses is quite rich and, I really just can't get around saying this, well written. Though sometimes I really may not know what he is trying to say or get across to the reader, he reveals juicy details in his diction in a way that I feel is quite unique. Sometimes as a reader I tend to become lazy and almost skim the work and get the gist of what is being said, but with this work I must take my time and truly try to grasp everything that Nabokov is saying through is word choice.

What I found most interesting through the the reading I did today was the actual lack of innocence that Lolita possesses. Humbert was initially attracted to her "purity" and her girlish look that usually entails sexual purity. But, Lolita has been experimenting with different sexual things most of her childhood it seems. He tells the jury, "Sensitive gentlewomen of the jury, I as not even her first lover" (page 135). At some points I almost found it comical when Humbert was talking about how she must have learned how to kiss by a lesbian experience at her camp. Also an extreme curve ball that I felt was thrown to the readers was the fact that Lolita was the seducer in their little grotesque love affair (even after she has called this man "Dad" I might add...the little sketch ball!) Humbert says on page 132, "but by six she was wide awake, and by six fifteen we were technically lovers. I am going to tell you something very strange: it was she who seduced me." For some reason this little girl of twelve has an enormous amount of confidence when it comes to sex, I guess though she was well aquatinted with the subject already though. So anyway, I just first wanted to comment on the forwardness of the little girl, but she also keeps some of her girlish nature. She'll kiss Humbert on the mouth, but if he kisses her anywhere else she is extremely turned off. In a way, this is like how Tennessee Williams talks about how all pretty girls are a trap and men expect them to be. I feel like Lolita is keeping Humbert on his toes by her ever changing mood.

Humbert, through this entire passage seems to be playing two entirely conflicting roles. What he's showing to Lolita on the outside and what is going on within his head are entirely different realities. Whenever Humbert picks Lolita up from camp, he is playing the father role. She may be flirting with him a little bit, but he just tells her no while inside he's burning with desire for her. It's quite odd and I don't really know what to think of it. Maybe he knows what he's planning on doing is wrong and he feels guilty for it. He doesn't want to show her too early how much he lusts for her, atleast not until they get to the bedroom.

The entire bedroom scene seems to be a huge psychological battle for Humbert. He obviously wants to take advantage of this little girl (ew), he even drugs her with the expectation that he'll do it this way, but that plan backfires and then he's back at square one. He has this internal conflict within himself just trying to move closer to her throughout the night. It reminds me a little bit of the courage a guy has to muster up in order to kiss a girl for the first time (as long as the two aren't intoxicated). I remember talking to a guy once (later after he finally worked up the courage to kiss me...mind i say that we'd been seeing each other for like four months before he finally did) that he'd been trying to kiss me for so long but just never could work up the courage. Every time he was over-thinking it like, "oh if I kiss her here she's going to think it's cheesy, etc." I think a lot of times guys go through this internal conflict with trying to pursue a female, but hopefully the female is not a helpless little twelve-year-old girl.

Another quote I found interesting in this passage was, "Whether or not the realization of a lifelong dream had surpassed all expectations, it had, in a sense, overshot its mar--and plunged into a nightmare." I feel like this really coincides with peoples expectations in life. For instance, so many girls fantasize and dream about what their future wedding is going to look like and how perfect it's going to be. Sometimes we forget that things can happen and when your lifelong dream finally comes to fruition, even though it be wonderful, it may not be what we expect and it may leave us longing for more when all we get is one chance. I don't think that Humbert thinks the sex was anticlimactic, but he does say this that somehow his dream could become a nightmare.